I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
