i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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