I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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