Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
