You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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