does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
