Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
