he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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