adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
there is glitter all over my balls
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
