During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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