It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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