she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
