if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
