Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
