After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
