I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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