Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
