we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
