I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
honey bunches of taint.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
