I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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