Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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