I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
