Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
