You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize