jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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