my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
