I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
