I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize