I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
