I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
