Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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