break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
