I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
