Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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