Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
