I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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