whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
