When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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