If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
