The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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