Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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