Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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