hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
