i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
