margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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