"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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