My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
