Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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