She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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