i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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