The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
