Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
