I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
