when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
