If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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