i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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