shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
