I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
