I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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