Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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