dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
