im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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