Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
