The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
