You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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