my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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