Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
