The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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